Dot by tiny dot - A journey to healing
Back in 2013, I found myself in the midst of post natal depression after the birth of my fifth child. I felt lost, confused, overwhelmed, exhausted and not quite sure what to do about it
I decided I needed to do something for my children, for my partner but most importantly for myself. I needed to rediscover who I was, to make time for myself. I needed to laugh, to create, to remember and share my story and my experiences. I needed to reintroduce myself to the woman I had become.
Little did I know that by making that decision to find myself, I would also find an incredible healing for myself and my little tribe.
When my first baby was born I embraced my new found motherhood with everything I had and continued to as the years passed and another 4 children were birthed by me.
Last year I learned that to put others needs ahead of your own does not work.
In the midst of chaos I heard the whispers of spirit calling to me and encouraging me to step outside, to stand bare foot on the rich earth.
I listened to my soul and the voices of my ancestors as they travelled on the wind and vibrated up from below my feet. I knew that I was here for a reason to accomplish more that I had and I decided to find my path. I had no idea what that path would be or where it would take me.
I have always felt a strong connection to the land I live on. My daily ritual is watching the coming and going of the natural wildlife, the dawning of the sun and the last rays on the horizon in the evenings. This connection to place has always helped me feel grounded. It reminds me that I am just one small part of the whole and that there is much to learn from nature in all its beauty and vulnerability.
During a bare foot walk through the bush around my home I discovered a magpie feather it inspired me so I took it home. The next day I went out and brought paints and canvas.
That night I used the feather to dot a painting of an animal that has always frequented my home. The goanna – which for me represents self preservation and the ability to over come adversity.
As I dotted, each tiny dot represented a tiny moment immortalized forever in a microcosm of colour. The dots together represented tiny thoughts, mind moments of vulnerability, knowledge, sadness, hopelessness and pride.
When the painting was completed I looked at the story I had shared with all those tiny dots and yearned to tell another. To capture each little mind bubble and transfer its emotion in colour to an artwork that would tell a story.
Each day I painted the animal and insect messengers from around my home. Sometimes tears would fall and I would not know why, but each day I would learn a little more about who I was and was a little more sure about what it was I was here to do.
I blogged online throughout my “journey back to me” through my art to my handful of followers I had never met from different parts of the world. I shared the moments of achievement along with the moments of overwhelming rawness. I found that by creating a space to share my personal journey, my story that only I can tell, I was able to receive support and encouragement, But more importantly I was creating a space where others could be real and share their personal experiences as well.
I know we often say that each person has a story. But I had never really understood how important and how healing it is to allow ourselves and others the opportunity share it. To become the storyteller of the story that is our own journey, our life experience.
With each new dotted artwork I create, I see in it so many moments of time spent just for me doing something I enjoy, my own personal form of mediation. My journey to healing taught me the importance of honoring myself and following my dreams as well as engaging in real conversation where you not only speak but actively listen too because everyone has their own story to tell.
Laura Bowen is an Aboriginal Artist and Author & educator. She is the creator of the Self published deck, The Southern Cross Oracle in 2013. This went on to become “Dreamtime Reading Cards” published by Rockpool Publishing in February 2015, and the Saltwater reading cards published February 2016.